So the apartment warming party was tons of fun. I think I'm going to throw another for all the folks who couldn't come or forgot. FORGOT. Forgot ME! The nerve. ;-)
My grandma came, and brought my Aunt Shirley, and that was nice. But then Grandma looked up at me as she sat in a straight-backed antique chair, folded one hand over the other, and laughed, as only a disapproving southern woman can, "What *have* you done to *your* *hair*?"
Um....
Well, I've done a couple of things over the past year. I got it cut a few times. I dyed it a few different shades of red. It's been like this for months. Did she just now notice? Doesn't it look good? Everyone else seems to like it....
I suppose it might have been a compliment, but it didn't feel like it. And when Aunt Shirley said she couldn't see it, and maybe that was a good thing, Grandma didn't contradict. All of a sudden I felt at a loss, guilty, like a child that's gone wrong somewhere, and honestly doesn't know how to put it right, while everyone frowns down. I hate that feeling. I was that child too many times. Every time someone was upset with me, I was that child. So yesterday I shook my hair around and grinned and said, "Hey, I look great!" Certainly enough people have told me so to outweigh one disapproving grandmother. Including my other grandmother! But still, why did she have to say that? Of all the things she could criticize me for...
Or is that it? Is it the things I've done that she *can't* come out and criticize me for, so she has to start in on my hair? She's never said she disapproves... But she's certainly hinted... And I know I've made mistakes. Who hasn't! But dangit, I'm through with feeling small and guilty over them. And dangit, how many grandmothers can brag on their grandkids as much as she can?
Heh... maybe I should get a buzz cut and die my hair blue just to give her some perspective. :-P
4 comments:
I swear, I didn't forget you!! I just forgot to tell you I couldn't make it! I'm glad you had fun.
I do know how you feel-my grammy does stuff like that all the time. Don't sweat it-it will do you no good at all. See you Wednesday!
I distinctly recall visiting with my now-deceased grandfather a couple years back and having him make pointed remarks about my facial hair. Apparently, he was surprised they allowed that sort of thing where I worked.
So no, nothing wrong. Things change, and sometimes people just don't keep up with the times.
At one point a couple of months ago, I was talking to my mom on the phone, gushing about how excited I was about my new job. I talked about my new apartment, about graduating, about... My mom interrupted me and said, "Amy? Lots of the clothes you wear... Well... they make you look... heavy."
Talk about letting the air out of one's balloon.
It happens all the time. My grandma writes an ambiguous and possibly insulting phrase on every card she sends me: "Still praying for you!" It's always bothered her that I've never been a churchgoer.
The trick is to not care. Be joyful about who you are and what you stand for. If your grandma doesn't like your hair, whatever. She doesn't have to wear it on her head. Hurrah for Laura, who is precisely as Laura-ish as she ought to be! =)
Parents and grandparents are there to gripe about all your imperfections. My mom does it to me all the time. Always griping about my hair, my clothes, any zits, etc. They thing they are helping, somehow.
Smile and ignore. Your hair is very cute.
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